Tag: Khalil Gibran

Roads Less Travelled

If he had stayed in his first job as a bank clerk, perhaps Tomaž Serafi would never have discovered new worlds beyond the borders of the small central European country he grew up in. But he ventured out to find both ancient wisdom and inner truths. He talks to an old friend Keith Lyons.

In Mahayana Buddhism, there is a term ‘Bodhisattva’ for those who reach the threshold of enlightenment, but choose instead to remain behind delaying personal liberation, to dedicate themselves to the benefit of others. To me, Tomaž Serafi is like a compassionate Bodhisattva, gently opening doors for others, and encouraging them to go through.

But then, what do I know? I first met Tomaž more than 20 years ago, connected by a woman we loved. But when I recently scanned a map of Europe, one of the first things that came to mind was that in a modest apartment overlooking the Ljubljanica River near the heart of Slovenia’s capital, Tomaž was doing his thing, living his life to the fullest, letting his light shine.

He doesn’t just feature in my own personal geography or spiritual map of the world. Over the last two decades when travelling in Asia or Australasia I’ve come across people from Ljubljana, and on too many occasions, it turns out they also know Tomaž.

What can you tell us about where you live, in Ljubljana?

Ljubljana is located in the heart of Europe, nestled between Italy, Austria, Hungary, Croatia, and the Adriatic Sea. Slovenia’s capital city is neither large nor small, with a population of 300,000. It’s a delightful place to reside, featuring a vibrant community of young people, and hosting numerous cultural events.

I live in the city centre, right alongside the picturesque green river known as the Ljubljanica. From my window, I enjoy a spectacular view of Ljubljana’s castle perched atop a hill and the flowing river. If I wish to take a stroll in nature, there’s a forest just a 3-minute walk from my house in one direction and 15 minutes in the other. Even in the city centre, there are plenty of trees and green spaces.

Ljubljana is a hidden gem in Europe, and not many people know about its story. What can you say about the country and its people?

When I was born in 1962 Slovenia was a part of Yugoslavia, which was a non-aligned country, not affiliated with either the capitalist Western bloc or the communist Eastern bloc. Yugoslavia was a socialist country, somewhere between communism and capitalism. It was wealthier than communist countries but not as affluent as capitalist ones. Back then, we didn’t have much, but there were no truly impoverished people. Nobody was starving, and nobody was wealthy.

Today, we have a significant number of very wealthy individuals alongside many who are extremely poor, struggling with hunger and homelessness. Presently, life in Slovenia is not significantly different from that in other European countries.

What was it like for you growing up in the 1960s and 1970s in Slovenia?

Back then, we didn’t have cell phones and computers, so we spent most of our time outdoors playing with friends. We played games like hide and seek and competed to see who could run the fastest, jump the highest, climb the highest tree, and so on. When I was a child, I either played outside with friends or read books.

Where did reading books take you?

Books became my passion from the moment I learned how to read. Through books, I learned about other places on Earth and different cultures. I especially adored books about Native Americans. I read all of Karl May’s books [1]– Apache chief Winnetou was my number one hero.

So your interest in the whole wide world came from books?

Yes, my love of books furthered my fascination with other cultures. I’ve always been an avid reader. When I recognised that our own culture was not faring well, that it was troubled and leading us toward a precipice, I became curious about other cultures, especially indigenous ones. I began to delve into literature about Native American, Aboriginal, Celtic, and other cultures, exploring their spirituality and beliefs.

What put you on a path of exploring spirituality?

When I was 15, I fell off a rock wall in a canyon while I was climbing, plummeting 15 meters to the ground. I lay there, unable to move, and had to be rescued and taken to the hospital. Fortunately, it turned out that nothing was broken, but that incident profoundly changed my life. I began to contemplate the concepts of life and death. Death came close, examined me, and decided to spare me for a while longer.

Since that moment, I haven’t been afraid of death anymore. I also started pondering the meaning of life, which became the most significant question for me: What is the meaning of life? That question guided me towards spirituality and spiritual growth. Ever since, spirituality has been the most vital aspect of my life, (alongside, of course, the elements of sex, drugs, and rock and roll).

How were your first experiences venturing overseas?

My first journey took place when I was 15 years old, and I hitchhiked through Europe. I passed through Italy, and in Genoa, I attempted to buy marijuana. I gave money to a guy who entered a house but never returned. It was only then that I realised he had exited through another entrance at the back of the house.

Later in the Côte d’Azur, I purchased LSD, only to discover that I had received plain candy instead. In Nice, I was robbed by a group of 14-year-old Algerians. While hitchhiking on the highway outside of Paris, a large truck deliberately ran over my backpack, scattering all my belongings on the road. Moments later, the police arrived and informed me that hitchhiking on the highway was prohibited. When I showed them what had happened to my backpack, they simply shrugged and drove away.

In Brittany, a kind couple invited me to sleep in their house because it was raining, and I had intended to sleep outside in my sleeping bag. In Paris, a young man around 20-years-old invited me to stay in his apartment, but as we shared the same bed, he tried to put his hand into my underwear.

From these experiences, I learned that I couldn’t trust everyone and that I needed to be cautious. I also discovered that some people are incredibly generous and trustworthy. Most importantly, I learned that I am the master of my life, and it’s best to rely on myself. I also realized that the world is vast, and not every place is the same as my small Slovenia. I encountered people of various nationalities and skin colours, broadening my horizons. I understood that a person’s nationality doesn’t matter; fundamentally, we are all the same. In every country, there are both good and not-so-nice people. But regardless of where they are, everyone shares the same desire: to find happiness.

Has your style of travel changed over time from those first adventures in Europe?

When I was younger, I was restless and eager to explore as many places as possible, often staying in one place for no more than a day or two. However, as time went on, I came to realise that the longer I remain in one location, the more fulfilling it becomes. I grow more peaceful and content, and it’s only then that I can truly savour and fully immerse myself in the experiences.

I also came to understand that the slower I travel, the more profoundly I connect with the landscapes I traverse. When I travel by car, it feels like I’m merely watching the scenery on a television screen. Travelling by bicycle is a much richer experience. Walking on foot is even better, as I absorb every step of the journey. Travelling by public transport has its own appeal. On a bus, I can keenly observe the locals, their personalities, and their customs, which offers a splendid perspective on the places I visit.

What has been a really memorable travel experience for you?

One of the most memorable places that I visited in Ghana was a village called Sonyon. I was travelling by bicycle, and wherever I went, I would tell the people that I wasn’t a tourist but a pilgrim who had come to bestow blessings upon them. You can only reach this village on foot or by bicycle. Later, I learned that it’s a spiritual village where people from all over come to heal or achieve specific goals. They perform offerings, and then conduct certain ceremonies, and they say it has a powerful effect.

The houses in this village are single-story, made of mud, and have flat roofs. They are built close together, so in the evening, the villagers go up to the roofs, where it’s cooler due to a gentle breeze, and they walk around the village from house to house, like on a promenade. They even sleep there sometimes. I lay on the roof, and children came up and started touching me because they were curious about my white skin. I lay on my stomach, patted my back, and said, “You can touch me here,” and they began to stroke and massage me. It was a fantastic feeling, like being caressed and massaged by five or six children!

And how about when travelling in my home country, New Zealand?

One of the most memorable experiences during my first trip to New Zealand’s North Island was while stopping for a short break near a magnificent coastline while hitchhiking. I wanted to stay there for a while. So, I headed towards the coast, found a suitable spot, and set up camp. I spent quite a few days there. I was truly enjoying myself. I remained naked throughout the experience, frequently leaping into the water, singing loudly, dancing, and engaging in meditation, among other activities.

Then I was walking for a long time and eventually, I ran out of water and food. With my last bit of strength, I managed to reach the top of a hill. According to the information in my book, I should have soon come across the first settlement along the way. However, the path had disappeared. Tall grass had grown all around me. I climbed onto a rock and saw a belt of forest nearby, with a path beyond it. I headed towards the forest. Wild boars ran past me. The forest was so overgrown that it took me an hour to reach a path about a hundred meters away. I was dirty and scratched, my clothes were torn, and I was hungry and thirsty. It was Christmas Eve.

Soon, I heard human voices and saw a holiday trailer. People were having a picnic. I asked them if I was heading in the right direction towards the main road. They confirmed it and said, “Wait a minute. Are you thirsty, or hungry? Have a beer. It’s Christmas Eve.” I stayed with them. Soon, Māori friends joined them. We sat around the fire, ate and drank, talked, an elderly Māori woman shared stories of their spirituality and sang their songs, and I sang some of ours. I couldn’t have asked for a better Christmas gift.

Let’s go back to your earlier existence. What happened for you to give up a career working in a bank?

It all began with Illusions (1989) by Richard Bach. I was still employed at a bank when I came across this book – and it had a profound impact on me. It meant so much to me that I made a personal commitment to translate it, despite having no prior experience in translation. And so, I translated it. Subsequently, I submitted my translation to all the publishers in Slovenia, but unfortunately, none of them were interested (back then, the book didn’t align with the socialist Yugoslavia prevailing system). Undeterred, I took matters into my own hands. I photocopied 200 copies of my translation and sold them independently. With the proceeds from those sales, I was able to print an additional 500 copies. To my surprise, I found that I was earning more from these efforts than I would have if a publishing house had purchased my translation.

This realization led me to make a life-altering decision—I left my job at the bank and embarked on a journey of translating and publishing other books that I believed had the power to touch people’s hearts and were of great importance. Authors such as Kahlil Gibran, J.R.R. Tolkien, the Dalai Lama, Louise Hay, William Bloom, Paul Solomon, Dan Millman, and Lobsang Rampa were just a few of the writers whose works I translated and shared with the Slovenian audience.

What do you think is the purpose of your life?

When I was going through a very difficult period in my life and couldn’t sleep one night, I went to the balcony and suddenly heard a voice loudly asking me, “Tomaž, why are you here, why did you come to this world?” Suddenly, it dawned on me, and I replied, “I came here to be happy!” The voice replied, “That’s right, Tomaž. Now, take a look at yourself. Are you happy?”

That’s when I decided to be happy. Once I made that decision, I stuck to it, and I truly was happy.

Later, many years later, I realised that I didn’t just come to be happy. I discovered that I’m even happier and more fulfilled when I make someone else happy. Gradually, I realised that my mission is to help others. I help them in various ways. At one point, I helped by translating and publishing books that benefited them. Later, I assisted them with counselling at the New Age Information Centre, which I founded. Now, I help them with therapeutic massages, with conscious and loving touch.

So what’s your superpower?

My superpower is undoubtedly my touch. However, this transforms into true power only when I am fully aware of it and fill it with love. In fact, my superpower is the awareness that everything is one, that all that exists, the entire universe, and all the things and beings that fill it, both material and immaterial, are actually one vast super being or God.

What things do you do most days to keep you balanced?

For a long time now, I’ve had a morning routine that fulfils me and makes mornings the most beautiful part of my day. When I wake up, I first express gratitude for the night and greet the new day that lies ahead, even before I open my eyes. Then I engage in exercise. I limber up all my joints, perform tantric exercises, breathing exercises, practice yoga, tai chi, and chi gong.

Afterwards, I sit down to meditate and spend some time in silence. Only then am I prepared for the day’s responsibilities. Similarly, in the evening, when I close my eyes, I give thanks for the day I’ve lived and bid goodnight to the night that approaches.

How do you think you’ve made an impact on the lives of others?

When I was publishing books, I received a lot of feedback from my customers which made my heart sing. Some were praising my translations, and some were thankful that I decided to publish such beautiful and meaningful books.

I receive even more grateful feedback from the people I massage. One client commented “I was led to the place where everything just is and exists.” And, Frida, gave me this wonderful endorsement, “For a moment you caught me in timelessness that lasted and lasted. My body was dancing under your loving hands and melted with your grace. Thank you for this magical experience. Your love for the work you are doing and for the people can be felt and it is healing.”

Recently I received this feedback, with the person saying “This was not an ordinary massage. Tomaž’s gentle presence made me feel safe, so I entrusted him with my process.” Another wrote “Tomaž, your creation is truly something special. You’ve given the world a wonderful gift, and I thank you for it.” I’m grateful to people like Medeja who thank me by saying “As if a flock of angels, completely devoted and determined angels, guided me through all possible processes — fears, pains, freedom, love, and beauty — and brought me to their home, where it is so beautiful and pleasant that there are no words to replace this feeling.”

What are the most important things you’ve learned?

I’ve learned that the most important thing for me is to live my soul.

I’ve also learned that no one is more important than another, that there is no good or bad, and that life isnot serious; rather, everything is like dust in the wind of the Universe, or as I like to say, “chickenshit.”

The most fulfilling action one can take is to help others because it brings genuine joy. As socialbeings, our connections with others are the most crucial aspects of life, far surpassing thesignificance of material possessions.

If you have a message or advice for others, what would it be?

Don’t worry; life is not so serious. Follow your heart and live your soul. Be yourself; you don’t have to be somebody else, you don’t have to pretend to be somebody else. Everything is changing; nothing is permanent; everything will end or transform. Live fully, live, and be aware of every moment of your life. That’s why we are here: to live our life fully, to experience everything from joy to sadness, from anger to love, from despair to fulfilment. And to be aware of all of this.

website: singingheart.weebly.com
Email: tomaz.serafi@gmail.com

[1] Karl May( 1842-1912) German author. Winnetou was a novel by him.

Keith Lyons (keithlyons.net) is an award-winning writer and creative writing mentor originally from New Zealand who has spent a quarter of his existence living and working in Asia including southwest China, Myanmar and Bali. His Venn diagram of happiness features the aroma of freshly-roasted coffee, the negative ions of the natural world including moving water, and connecting with others in meaningful ways. A Contributing Editor on Borderless journal’s Editorial Board, his work has appeared in Borderless since its early days, and his writing featured in the anthology Monalisa No Longer Smiles.

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Bhaskar's Corner

Chittaranjan Das: A Centenary Tribute

Post author By borderlesssg1
Post date August 14, 2023
No Comments on Chittaranjan Das: A Centenary Tribute

By Bhaskar Parichha

In the contemporary world, with its multiple environmental crises, conflicts, and violence, persisting poverty, and social exclusion, the question about the role of arts in general, and of literature specifically, must inevitably arise. Do they have any positive role other than entertainment and distraction, or are they merely the icing on a rapidly decaying and disintegrating cake?

Without naming the problem in exactly this way, much of Chittaranjan Das’s work was devoted to implicitly answering this question, for he clearly recognised that a merely functionalist approach to trying to identify the role of the arts in society would be totally inadequate and theoretically shallow. Rather, to answer the question more fully, we should ask what constitutes a society’s self-understanding, its modes of self-representation, and its internal hermeneutics, and how, methodologically speaking, we can gain access to this deep cultural grammar of a society. Das’s original professional career was as a rural sociologist and teacher of the subject in Agra and elsewhere. As a sociologist he would have been aware that such questions arise not only in the sociology of the arts, but equally in relation to such intractable subjects as religion, suicide, and the emotions.[1]

The year 2023 is the centennial birth anniversary[2] of the thinker, educationist, critic, pioneer of Odia non-fiction writing and one of the finest translators, Professor Chittaranjan Das. Chittabhai — as he was known throughout Odisha — was the most prolific writer, with numerous diaries, essays, reviews, autobiographies, memoirs, columns, textbooks, and monographs.

Many eminent writers were born in Bagalpur village in Jagatsinghpur district. Chittaranjan Das was one of them. He was the third child of five brothers and three sisters. He attended Punang School after schooling in his native village. Afterwards, he attended Ranihat Minor School and Ravenshaw Collegiate School. In 1941, he passed the matriculation examination and enrolled at Ravenshaw College, Cuttack, for higher education. However, he became involved in the independence movement. His inspiration came from Manmohan Mishra [3].

During his Ravenshaw student days, he was an active member of the Communist Party of India. In 1942, he joined the Quit India Movement and was imprisoned. During his jail term, Das acquired many skills, including learning languages, particularly French. In 1945, he was released from prison and attended Santiniketan. During his academic career, he was exposed to a wide variety of intellectuals, thinkers, and writers. He was deeply influenced by their works.

His studies in psychology, sociology, and cultural anthropology continued in Europe and abroad in the years that followed. He was trained in clinical psychology at the Vienna School established by Sigmund Freud. It was here that he met philosopher Martin Buber. He continued his studies at Santiniketan and later at Copenhagen University, Denmark.

He returned to Odisha in 1954 and joined the Jibana Bidyalaya, a school inspired by Gandhi’s ideals on education, established by Nabakrushna Choudhury and Malati Devi. Later on, he became the headmaster of this institution. He left after four years and took a teaching assignment near Agra.

Sri Aurobindo’s philosophy drew Das to the revered sage’s teachings. Upon returning to Odisha, he taught at the Institute of Integral Education in Bhubaneswar, based on Sri Aurobindo’s values. This was in 1973. While he did not stay for long, he remained associated with this movement until his death in 2011.

Das considered the whole world to be his home. He was proficient in a wide range of languages, including Hindi, Urdu, Bengali, Assamese, Sanskrit, Danish, Finnish, French, Spanish, and English. His vast studies covered many areas of social and human sciences like philosophy, psychology, religious studies, and linguistics as well as school studies. His knowledge is reflected in 250 books he wrote or translated into Odia.

He was a regular contributor to newspapers and his columns appeared in major Odia dailies like Dharitri, Pragativadi, Sambad, Samaja and more. These short pieces have been compiled into books that give insight into his views on contemporary issues. His first writing was an article in a school magazine. The article ‘Socrates’ appeared in 1937 in the Ravenshaw Collegiate magazine, Sikshabandhu.

Das travelled widely around the world. During his travels, he closely examined the social, cultural, and political life of the countries he visited. He wrote books describing his impressions. He has translated many books into Odia from countries he visited. His translation work is vast. His understanding of the topic and the translation of the books make for a pleasant reading experience.

He was an excellent diary writer. These captured his feelings about many incidents. The autobiographical diary entries have been published as Rohitara Daeri[4], a series of over 20 volumes. His love for the mother tongue was unparalleled. Despite excellent command of more than a dozen languages, including German, Danish and Finnish, as well as Sanskrit, Pali, Urdu and Bengali, he wrote mostly in his mother tongue, Odia.

His contribution to Odia literature was huge because he translated the works of many prominent writers — Bengali writer Ashapurna Devi, polymath Albert Schweitzer, French novelist François Mauriac, British-Indian anthropologist Verrier Elwin, Danish poet Karl Adolph Gjellerup, French writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Lebanese-American poet and writer Kahlil Gibran, Russian poet Boris Pasternak, former President of India Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan and the iconic Mahatma Gandhi. Sri Aurobindo’s principal philosophic work, a theory of spiritual evolution culminating in the transformation of man from a mental into a supramental being and the advent of a divine life upon earth, Life Divine, is Chittranjan Das’s significant work.

Many awards have come his way. In 1960, for his essay ‘Jeevana Vidyalaya’[5], he was awarded by the Odisha Sahitya Akademi. He was given the Sarala Award in 1989 for his essay ‘Odisha O Odia’. He was conferred with the Sahitya Akademi Award in 1998 for his book Biswaku Gabakhya [6]. He bagged more accolades from Prajatantra Prachar Samiti, Gangadhar Rath Foundation, Utkal Sahitya Samaj and Gokarnika.

Chittaranjan Das’s works incorporate both creative experimentation and a transformative philosophy. He has worked in education, literature, cultural creativity and artistic criticism. During his lifetime, he was instrumental in the growth and development of numerous social action and development groups. Throughout his writings, he discussed self-development, social change, and mankind’s evolution. His Odia autobiography Mitrasya Chakhusa [7]is an extraordinary work in the genre.

A scholar of eminence, literary commentator and author of numerous books in Odia and English, he was known as ‘Socrates of Odisha.’

[1] John Clammer (The Essays of Chittaranjan Das on Literature, Culture, and Society/Ed. Ananta Kumar Giri and Ivan Marquez)

[2] The Odia writer lived from 1923-2011.

[3] A revolutionary writer and poet who lived from 1917 to 2000.

[4] Rohit’s Diary

[5] School of life

[6] Window to the World

[7] Through the eyes of a Friend

Bhaskar Parichha is a journalist and author of Unbiased, No Strings Attached: Writings on Odisha and Biju Patnaik – A Political Biography. He lives in Bhubaneswar and writes bilingually. Besides writing for newspapers, he also reviews books on various media platforms.

PLEASE NOTE: ARTICLES CAN ONLY BE REPRODUCED IN OTHER SITES WITH DUE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO BORDERLESS JOURNAL

Click here to access the Borderless anthology, Monalisa No Longer Smiles

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Musings

Kungfu Panda & Matrimony

By Alpana

Ay, you shall be together even in the
silent memory of God.
But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
…
And stand together and yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow

(‘On Marriage’, The Prophet by Khalil Gibran, 1923)

What better way to describe the bond of marriage than through Gibran’s eloquent verses! Being married for over two years, any piece of writing on marriage that seems enlightening catches my attention instantly. Though, nothing substantial really comes out (every marital equation being different and unique) but why miss it when someone else is ranting, expressing, singing or explaining meticulously. Also, any similarity or dissimilarity may bring a cheer or a jeer on my face.

Currently, everyone in the world, irrespective of place, gender, nationality and creed, is struggling to thrive in the pandemic marred times. There is a constant push to remain afloat because “survival of the fittest” has emerged as the bitter truth rearing its head in every nook of the Earth. While headlines emerge as a frightful alarm on screens daily, what remains unreported is all that transpires in a typical household enduring the banters exchanged between spouses.

Being an assistant professor of English literature, I had often received unsolicited advice to marry someone who belonged to my profession. Well, my husband is a judicial officer, and I am glad that we have different fortes. Had it been otherwise, an unwanted competitive spirit might have taken deep hold. Why? Because that’s how marriage is, a never-ending tug of war where no one wins or loses but the game remains on for fun and adventure. In our case, the constant pulling is metaphorical at many levels. There’s a constant attempt by one to pull the other out of a deep trap called procrastination. Often the ‘art’ of procrastination is associated with husbands, but my spouse and I believe in parity in all fields. However, this phase came to a halt when this virus attacked humankind in an unprecedented manner beyond the reaches of all imagination and our country entered the seemingly endless period of lockdown. This is when people, locked into their homes all of a sudden, started digging deep into their inner selves only to come out alive with a slew of Instagram-worthy talents. That’s when some crisp and tangy flavours got accentuated in my marital life too.

When Gibran talks about ‘spaces’ in nuptial life in his work called ‘On Marriage’, one cannot agree more. There are times when we silently crib about being in dire need of a space. Partners often fear being outspoken in delineating such desire or else they get labelled as selfish, narcissist or indifferent. However, in most of the cases, the picture is coloured differently where space is not seen as a necessity. Being partners with different and demanding jobs respectively, it was difficult to erase these ‘spaces’ often standing wide and impermeable between us. However, with the advent of lockdown, we saw new horizons shining bright in variety of hues. During the pre-covid times, life was more work and less play, literally and at times metaphorically. During the pre-pandemic times, our jobs used to scoop out most of the zeal and left us all parched by the end of the day. Breakfast was done in a helter-skelter way; lunch was at workplace, but dinner time offered some respite from the daily grill.

One major reason is that my husband cooks some of the best meals in the world. We ate out frequently, as Gurgaon, the millennium city at the edge of New Delhi, was always briming with new and exotic options. However, the lockdown period unleashed the timid master chef hiding in my husband in all its glory. I am not exaggerating when I write this but after eating “pati ke haath ka khaana’ (food cooked by husband’s hand), I have become averse to the idea of eating out altogether. He creates magic in those woks and pans while I, standing beside him with a smile, just soak in the thrill and awe swaying in our kitchen. The food he prepares is not just a pretentious Instagram post but a key to my happiness and that, dear readers, is a rarity in an age where moments are only captured in pictures or videos. In my home, he captures them in the form of food cooked with love for the loved while I encapsulate them in hand-written letters. This brings me to other examples of how marriage of two different people with disparate interests leads to a household reverberating with diversification.

During our stay at home and work from home spree, we explored a bundle of things about each other which were otherwise not much thought (read, fought) over. They say that marriage is a union of two minds. Easier said than done, I would comment. The list of uncommon interests my husband and I have is a long one. While I am into reading, movies, Instagram and treating shopping as a pacifier, he is not even on social media. Watching romantic movies is a big no, since his profession includes grappling with myriads of clashes, marital disputes being one of them. From misplaced towels, spectacles and other such basic articles to painstakingly agreeing upon one OTT (over the top media service) pick for movie night, the reasons behind every day tussles are umpteen. He is traditional while I run away from family functions imploring me to unveil the true bahu (bride) apparently hidden somewhere in a deep corner inside me. Luckily, he helps me sail through such familial gatherings without any serious damage. He has a mentally exhausting job and to remedy all that fatigue, he talks to me, about our past trips, the movies we both loved, our first meeting, the issues troubling him, etc. I learn how to be a good householder from him, while he, as he puts it, soaks in all the positivity and encouragement my outlook emanates. That’s how our relationship becomes more than that of just marriage, it is a bond of companionship which cherishes being each other’s confidante and being practical and real.

Is it always “sugar and spice and everything nice”? Absolutely not. For days, it is but for the other days, we unleash our cynical sides. Because what is marital life really without a dash of skepticism and sarcasm. Besides being sugary and spice, it turns sour too. In other words, it keeps the palate guessing the mood of the day. It’s an unrepeatable blend of a variety of ingredients only the partners know because it’s their adored secret.

My marriage was an arranged one where the match is approached in probably stone cut objectivities. Days passed and new-found treasures of joys and revelations came to the fore. The pre-marital jitters, unsought opinions about marriage and the consequent chaos were soon left behind to make way for what was new and exciting. Marriage is a box full of surprises popping loudly to see the light of the day. What is important is to find the right time to unlock it and see the magical rollercoaster zip into focus lest the popping fades away. It is definitely not less than a rollercoaster because it will never fail to amaze you or give you the thrill, pun intended, in unimaginable ways. It’s chaotic when the Venn diagrams of each other’s interests find no overlap. It’s a boon when you are understood without uttering anything. It’s messy when one is a sloth while the other is a germophobe. It becomes a godsend when you come home to an appetizing food after a long day at work. It’s a blessing when half of the problem is solved just by sharing and being listened to. It’s therapeutic when your rants and mood swings are endured without any judgement or prejudice. In a nutshell, marriage cannot be put in a definition carrying a fixed set of words. The word ‘fixed’ is amiss in relation to marriage unless addressing the ‘roka’(obstacles), of course. Marriage is ever evolving and in progression with every day adding a new chapter to all that is tangled and sorted in the course of this voyage. It will always be witnessed as brimming with vicissitudes and symmetrical beams of bliss along with few asymmetrical ones.

The fun lies in its unpredictability and at times may feel like a stormy sea. But remember what Master Oogway once told Po, let the waves settle down because only then will the sunshine illuminate the bottom to make the solutions clear.

Alpana is working as an assistant professor at a government college of Gurugram. Besides reading books and clicking pictures, she can also be spotted tickling her infant or recommending movies to her husband which he eventually regrets watching.

Tags Khalil Gibran, KungFu Panda, Oogway, Po, The Prophet