Translated by Isa Kamari from his own Malay novel
Chapter 3
Free souls
Wouldn’t be easily bored
By mentoring and demands
For it’s the stable self
That gives rise to liberation
And that’s called freedom
It isn’t about release without aims
Just like city folks
Released from home or work
Wander aimlessly
At shopping malls
Seek excitement
From novelty and transience
It isn’t that Life
Doesn’t require variety
Or it isn’t that the soul
Doesn’t long for fun
It’s just that we who claim to be free
Are easily entrapped
In useless pettiness
That we spread
In the city
Without ever realising
That we haven’t returned
To the doors of our hearts
Although we’ve stepped afoot
Onto the house compound
Living in the flat at Ang Mo Kio was definitely different from the barracks. Our new house was clean and comfortable. We did not have to share the latrine and bathroom. The terrazzo floor made our house look modern, beautiful and sleek compared to the cement floor that was laid with rubber mats with many holes and tears.
Our flat was on the fourth floor that was serviced by a lift and staircase. Behind our block was a small lawn. There were several provision shops at the housing block in front of ours. So, it was convenient to shop for groceries. From the physical perspective, living in a flat had elevated the standard of living of our family. But it had its own pressures.
To support the needs of the family and children’s education both our parents had to earn a living. There were many maintenance and educational bills that had to be paid. Father still cycled to work but he had changed job as a mechanic at a factory that produced air-conditioning units at Kallang Basin. Our Mother started working as a housemaid at the neighbouring Teachers Estate.
Both our parents had to face the challenges of a new life and pinned their hopes that their children would do well in school. I managed to step into university while my two sisters passed their school examinations well. My fourth and youngest brothers also scored well in their results. It was only he who in secondary three[1] failed in his examinations miserably. Both our parents were shocked, disappointed and angry with him.
An argument ensued. Father slapped him until his cheeks were bruised. He swore vehemently and spat on the floor. We were shocked and bewildered by his crass behaviour. We did not expect it at all. We knew him to be gentle and quiet. He ran away from home and did not return for a week.
Fortunately, it was the school holidays. Therefore, there was no problem created at school. Or, so we thought.
When school reopened, he refused to continue with his studies. We advised and coaxed him repeatedly, but he did not budge from his choice. Both our parents could do nothing and gave in to his stubbornness. He did not attend school anymore. His new habit was to roam aimlessly with his friends who lived at nearby blocks.
One night he returned home seemingly drunk and confused after going out the whole day. His eyes were bloodshot, and he vomited a few times. He rushed to his room and slept. He wrapped his body with a blanket although it was a warm night
The next morning Mother asked him to see a doctor, but he refused. He locked himself in the room. We noticed that his body trembled often. And he began to talk nonsense with a slurred voice.
It was at that moment that we realised that he was involved in drugs.
Our family was shaken. We did not know how this happened. We were clueless as to what to do next. Should we have reported him to the police? That would result in him being detained at a drug rehabilitation centre, DRC. Was it possible to give him treatment without reporting to the authorities? How could we do about this? See a doctor or healer? We were confused and anxious.
Both our parents kept asking how and where he had obtained money to purchase drugs which were expensive? Our Mother only gave him enough money for food and cigarettes.
The answer was revealed itself not long afterwards in a situation that broke our parents’ hearts. Our family was confronted with a disaster.
[1] Grade 9
Click here to access Chapter 1 of The Throne.
Click here to access Chapter 2 of The Throne.
Isa Kamari has written 12 novels, 3 collections of poetry, a collection of short stories, a book of essays on Singapore Malay poetry, a collection of theatre scripts and lyrics of 3 music albums, all in Malay. His novels have been translated into English, Turkish, Urdu, Arabic, Indonesian, Jawi, Russian, French, Spanish, Korean, Azerbaijan and Mandarin. Several of his essays and selected poems have been translated into English. Isa was conferred the S.E.A Write Award from Thailand (2006), the Singapore Cultural Medallion (2007), the Anugerah Tun Seri Lanang (2009) from the Singapore Malay Language Council, and the Mastera Literary Award (2018) from Brunei Darussalam.
He obtained a BArch (Hons) from the National University of Singapore in 1989, an MPhil (Malay Letters) from Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia in 2008 and is currently pursuing a PhD programme at the Academy of Islamic Studies, Univeristi Malaya. His area of research is on the problem of alienation and the practice of firasat (spiritual intuition) in selected Singapore Malay novels.
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Click here to access Wild Winds: The Borderless Anthology of Poems
Click here to access the Borderless anthology, Monalisa No Longer Smiles
