Lalu – Borderless

Translated from Bengali by Somdatta Mandal, this satirical skit[1]was part of Hasyakoutuk (1914) or Humour by Tagore

Scene One

A village road

Chaturbhuj Babu has come to his village after passing his M.A. exams. He had expected the entire village to be exuberant. He has a stout Kabul cat with him.

Enter Nilratan

Nilratan: So here is Chatubabu. When did you come?

Chaturbhuj: After appearing for my M.A. examination in college –

Nilratan: Oh! This cat is very exquisite.

Chaturbhuj: The examination this time was –

Nilratan: Sir, where did you get this cat?

Chaturbhuj: Bought it. The subject I had elected this year –

Nilratan: How much did you pay for it, sir?

Chaturbhuj: Can’t remember. Nilratanbabu, has anyone graduated from our village?

Nilratan: Plenty. But there is no such cat in the vicinity.

Chaturbhuj: (to himself) Oh God! He only speaks about cats. He does not talk about my success in the exams.

Enter the Zamindar

Zamindar: Oh, here is Chaturbhuj! What did you do all this while in Kolkata, son?

Chaturbhuj: Sir, just came after my M.A. exams.

Zamindar: What did you say? Meye[2]? Given a girl to somebody? To whom have you given?

Chaturbhuj: No, not that. After B.A.—

Zamindar: You have got your daughter married? Her biye[3]? But we did not get to know about it.

Chaturbhuj: Not marriage, but B.A. –

Zamindar: Oh, it’s the same thing. In the city you call it B.A., in our village we call it biye. Ok. Let that be. This cat is very beautiful.

Chaturbhuj: You are mistaken. My –

Zamindar: What mistake? Go and find a similar cat in this whole district.

Chaturbhuj: No, sir. I am not talking about cats –

Zamindar: Yes, we are talking about cats. I am saying that we can’t get such cats.

Chaturbhuj: (to himself) Goodness gracious!

Zamindar: Come with your cat to our locality in the afternoon. The children will be very happy to see it.

Chaturbhuj: Yes, they will surely be happy. They haven’t seen me for a long time.

Zamindar: Yes, that’s true. But I am saying that if you cannot come, then send it through Beni. I want to show it to the children.

[Exit]

Uncle Satu enters

Uncle Satu: Here you are. Seeing you after a long time.

Chaturbhuj: Won’t it take long? So many examinations –

Uncle Satu: This cat –

Chaturbhuj: (annoyed) I am going home.

[About to leave]

Uncle Satu: Here, listen to me. This cat –

Chaturbhuj: No sir, I have work at home.

Uncle Satu: Here, at least answer one question. This cat –

[Chaturbhuj does not reply but walks out hurriedly]

Uncle Satu: Oh God! These children have become very clever after being educated. They have many attributes but too much pride.

[Exit]

Scene Two

The inner domain of Chaturbhuj’s house

Maid: Mistress. Dada has come home very angry.

Mother: Why?

Maid: How do I know?

Enter Chaturbhuj

Small boy: Brother, I want this cat –

Chaturbhuj: (slapping him) Day in and day out only cat, cat, cat!

Mother: Poor son. Is he annoyed for nothing? He has come home after such a long time and the children are pestering him too much. Go! All of you go from here. [To Chaturbhuj] Give it to me, son. I have kept rice and milk for it. I’ll go feed your cat.

Chaturbhuj: (angrily) Take it, mother. All of you only feed the cat. I will not have food. I’m leaving.

Mother: (earnestly) What sort of statement is that? Son, your meal is ready. Just go and take your bath.

Chaturbhuj: I am leaving. In your country only cats are admired. There is no place for geniuses. (He kicks the cat)

Aunt: Oh, don’t beat it. It has done no harm.

Chaturbhuj: All your affection is for the cat. You don’t have any pity for the human being. (Exit)

Small girl: (pointing offstage) Uncle Hari, come and see. Its tail is so thick and bushy.

Hari: Who’s tail?

Girl: There, his.

Hari: Is it Chaturbhuj’s?

Girl: No, the cat’s.

Scene Three

The road. Chaturbhuj with a bag in hand. No cat with him.

Sadhucharan: Sir, where is your cat?

Chaturbhuj: It’s dead.

Sadhucharan: Oh! How did it die?

Chaturbhuj: (Disgusted) I don’t know, sir.

Enter Paranbabu.

Paran: Sir, what happened to your cat?

Chaturbhuj: It is dead.

Paran: Really? How did it die?

Chaturbhuj: Just as you all will die. With a rope around your neck.

Paran: Oh my god, He is too angry.

A group of boys follow Chaturbhuj. Clapping themselves they tease him shouting

“Kabuli Cat,” “Kabuli Cat.”

[1] [Translated from “Abhyarthana” (Bhadra 1292 B.S.) by Somdatta Mandal]

[2] Daughter in Bengali

[3] Wedding in Bengali

Somdatta Mandal is a former Professor of English and ex-Chairperson, Department of English, Visva-Bharati, Santiniketan, India. A recipient of several prestigious fellowships like the Fulbright Research and Teaching Fellowships, British Council Charles Wallace Trust Fellowship, Rockefeller Residency at Bellagio, Italy, Salzburg Seminar and Shastri Indo-Canadian Faculty Enrichment Fellowship, she has been published widely both nationally and internationally. She has also an award from Sahitya Akademi for the All India Indian Literature Golden Jubilee (1957-2007) Literary Translation Competition in the Fiction category for translating short stories series ‘Lalu’ by Sarat Chandra Chattopadhyaya.

PLEASE NOTE: ARTICLES CAN ONLY BE REPRODUCED IN OTHER SITES WITH DUE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO BORDERLESS JOURNAL

Translated from Bengali by Somdatta Mandal, this satirical skit[1] was part of Hasyakoutuk (1914) or Humour by Tagore

Rabindranth’s bust in Hungary, Balatonfüred, Tagore promenade

Scene One

Ray Krishnakishore Bahadur is lying on his deathbed. His three sons Chandrakishore, Nandakishore and Indrakishore are busy consulting each other. A doctor is present. The women are close to tears.

Chandra: Who are the people we should write to?

Indra: Write to Sir Reynolds.

Krishna: (With great difficulty) What will you write, son?

Nanda: The news of your death.

Krishna: But I am not yet dead, son.

Indra: You might not die right now, but we have to fix a time for the event and write that down…

Chandra: We should collect the condolence letters from all the Englishmen here and get them published in newspapers. No point in publishing them when all the excitement is gone!

Krishna: Patience boys; let me die first.

Nanda: We can’t wait, father. Let’s make a list of the letters to be sent to the people in Shimla and Darjeeling. Come on, let’s get all the names down.

Chandra: The Governor, Sir Ilbert, Sir Wilson, Beresford, Macaulay, Peacock –

Krishna: Boys, what names are you chanting so close to my ears? Chant God’s name instead. When the time comes, He is the only one who can save us! Hari –

Indra: Yes, good thing that you reminded us, we forgot to include Sir Harrison.

Krishna: My sons, say Ram, Ram –

Nanda: Really, I had forgotten about Sir Ramsey.

Krishna: Narayan, Narayan!

Chandra: Nanda, write down the name of Sir Noran also.

Enter Skandakishore.

Skanda: So, you people seem so relaxed! You still haven’t done the real thing!

Chandra: And what is that?

Skanda: We have to inform in advance all the people who will be part of the procession going to the funeral ghat.

Krishna: Sons, which one do you consider the real thing? First, I’ll have to die, only then –-

Chandra: No worries on that account. Doctor!

Doctor: Yes sir!

Chandra: How much time is left for father to go? When do the public have to be here?

Doctor: Perhaps–

The women start wailing.

Skanda: (Disgusted) Ma, will you stop it? You’re creating quite a scene! It’s better to sort out everything in advance. When doctor?

Doctor: Most likely this night at—

The women start wailing again.

Nanda: This is a huge problem! You shouldn’t disturb us during work. What do you think your crying will accomplish? We are planning to publish condolence letters sent by important Englishmen in newspapers.

The women are sent out.

Skanda: Doctor, what do you think?

Doctor: From what I can see I think he will expire around four a.m.

Chandra: Then there is no time – Nanda, go quickly, get the slips printed at once right in front of your eyes.

Doctor: But first mustn’t the medicine—

Skanda: Look here! Your medicine shop will not run away. On the other hand, we’ll be in trouble if the print ring shop shuts down.

Doctor: Sir, the patient might not —

Chandra: That is why you must hurry. For who knows what might happen if the slips are printed before the patient —

Nanda: Here I go.

Skanda: Write down that the procession will begin at eight tomorrow.

Scene Two

Skanda: What, doctor? It’s already seven now instead of four.

Doctor: (Apologetically) Yes, yes, amazing the pulse is still strong.

Chandra: You are a fine one doctor to have got us into this mess!

Nanda: Everything went wrong when I was late in bringing the medicine. In fact, dad began to recover as soon as the doctor’s medicine was stopped.

Krishna: All this time you were so very cheerful, why is everyone looking so glum all of a sudden? I am feeling fine now.

Skanda: We aren’t feeling that great. We had already finalized all preparations to go to the funeral pyre.

Krishna: Is that so? I guess I should have died.

Doctor: (Feeling irritated) Do one thing and that will solve all problems.

Indra: What?

Skanda: What?

Chandra: What?

Nanda: What?

Doctor: Instead of him why don’t one of you die when the time is ripe.

Scene Three

A lot of people have assembled in the outer house.

Kanai: Hello, It’s already eight thirty. Why are you all late?

Chandra: Please sit down. Have some tobacco.

Kanai: I’ve been [chewing] tobacco from the morning!

Bolai: Where is everybody? I can’t see signs of any arrangements being made.

Chandra: Everything is ready – it’s not our fault – now only—

Ramtaran: Hey, Chandra, we shouldn’t waste any more time.

Chandra: Don’t I understand that – but—

Harihar: What is causing the delay? We’ll be late for office, what’s the matter?

Indrakishore enters.

Indra: Don’t be impatient. We are almost ready. In the meantime, why don’t you read the condolence letters?

He distributes them.

This is from Lambert, this from Harrison, this is Sir James’s—

Skandakishore enters.

Skanda: Here take them. In the meantime, read the obituary notices on father in the newspapers. Here is The Statesman, here The Englishman.

Madhusudan: (To Yadav) Isn’t this typical? Bengalis won’t ever learn what punctuality is all about.

Indra: You’re absolutely right. They will die and yet never learn to be punctual.

The guests shed tears reading the newspapers and the condolence messages.

Radhamohan: (in tears) Oh God, the poor man’s friend!

Nayanchand: Alas! To think that even such a good man has his share of troubles.

Nabadwipchandra: (in a deep breath) Lord! Everything is your will!

Rasik:‘The lotus that blooms in the heart’ – I’m forgetting what comes after that –

‘The lotus that blooms in the heart

Has been plucked untimely

The lotus heart sinks in the sea of sorrow!’

This is exactly the case here. The lotus heart in the sea of sorrow. How sad! Add esquire. O tempora! O mores[2]!

Tarkabagish[3]: Challchittang challadbittang, challajiwan – The mind is inconsistent, wealth is transitory and one’s life is perishable. Oh how sad!

Nyayabagish[4]: Yadupathe kri gata mathurapuri, raghupate – Where is the city of Mathura that belonged to the Lord of the Yadavas (i.e. Krishna), to the Lord of the Raghus (i.e. Rama Chandra)? (chokes)

Dukhiram: Oh Krishnakishore Bahadur, where have you gone?

A faint voice can be heard from within: I am here. Please, don’t shout.

[1] [Translated from “Antyashti-Satkar” in the Hasyakoutuk series Bhadra 1293 B.S. by Somdatta Mandal].

[2] “Oh the times! Oh the customs!” – Latin phrase, first recorded to have been spoken by Cicero

[3] Bengali title given to an expert debator

[4] Bengali title given to a legal expert

PLEASE NOTE: ARTICLES CAN ONLY BE REPRODUCED IN OTHER SITES WITH DUE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT TO BORDERLESS JOURNAL