Cooking in Eden

By Arshi Mortuza

HOW TO COOK TENDER WOMEN

Preheat your ovens
because we are about to get cooking.
Today we are cooking females --
The tender kind.

It’s a fairly simple recipe --
All you need are ribs, apparently.
From a cow, a pig, or a man.

Cook your female for nine months.
And once she’s out --
raise her,
braise her.

Ask them feasters how they like their meat.
With just the right amount of seasonings,
Just the right amount of saucy.

Make sure she’s tender,
And stays humble to her roots -- the rib.
For the first batch of women 
were surely a wasteful plate. 


EDEN STEAKHOUSE

Welcome to Eden Steakhouse
I’m your server, Gabriel. 
Tonight’s special are our ribs
Ribs that come from 
100% grass fed men. 

Vegetarian options are available.
Veggies grown in our backyard soil
The same soil that made Adam.
The same soil, that in a trial and error, 
made his first wife.

But c’mon- this is a steakhouse
A place of meat and masculinity.
May I suggest having soil grown plants in your salad --
And ribs as your main course? 

Ribs it is? Excellent choice, Sir!
And for the lady? A stack of ribs too.
How cannibalistic.  

Let me also add that all fruit desserts 
Are off the menu tonight. 
How about 
some fig leaves and shame to go?

Arshi Mortuza is the author of the poetry collection, One Minute Past Midnight. She has a MA in English Literature from Queen’s University.

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