By Arshi Mortuza
HOW TO COOK TENDER WOMEN Preheat your ovens because we are about to get cooking. Today we are cooking females -- The tender kind. It’s a fairly simple recipe -- All you need are ribs, apparently. From a cow, a pig, or a man. Cook your female for nine months. And once she’s out -- raise her, braise her. Ask them feasters how they like their meat. With just the right amount of seasonings, Just the right amount of saucy. Make sure she’s tender, And stays humble to her roots -- the rib. For the first batch of women were surely a wasteful plate. EDEN STEAKHOUSE Welcome to Eden Steakhouse I’m your server, Gabriel. Tonight’s special are our ribs Ribs that come from 100% grass fed men. Vegetarian options are available. Veggies grown in our backyard soil The same soil that made Adam. The same soil, that in a trial and error, made his first wife. But c’mon- this is a steakhouse A place of meat and masculinity. May I suggest having soil grown plants in your salad -- And ribs as your main course? Ribs it is? Excellent choice, Sir! And for the lady? A stack of ribs too. How cannibalistic. Let me also add that all fruit desserts Are off the menu tonight. How about some fig leaves and shame to go?
Arshi Mortuza is the author of the poetry collection, One Minute Past Midnight. She has a MA in English Literature from Queen’s University.
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One reply on “Cooking in Eden”
How apt.How sad.How ironic.
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