Rhys Hughes takes us through Greek mythology with his own brand of humour blending the past and the present
1
When Bellerophon
saw a unicorn
upon his lawn
he was somewhat
disappointed.
“I have no wish
to make a fuss,”
is what he said, “but this
is the day appointed
for me to receive
a visit from
Pegasus instead.”
2
Hydras are bad
in Hyderabad
or so
Hercules has heard.
Needless to say
he therefore
plans
to go there
gladly
on Pegasus Airlines
but not before
he goes to Goa
because he badly
needs a holiday.
What a legendary chap!
3
In order to earn
money as well as learn
something, while
writing her thesis on Theseus,
Ariadne works
as a guide
to sightseers
and gives them
a Minotaur of the famous
labyrinth.
4
Sovereign of dolphins,
king of the waves,
the god of the sea
makes bubbles
without any trouble
when he plays the flute
as he bathes.
And jazz in the oceanic
jacuzzi is cosy
and groovy
but the melody
is unfamiliar to you.
Yet I can name
Neptune in one.
5
There’s a Zeus
loose about this house,
his thunderbolts
will cook your goose,
assuming that
you are unlucky
enough to have one.
But even if you don’t,
when you hear
him stir,
it’s better to duck!
6
Simple arithmetic
ought to be taught
in the schools
that heroes go to,
so they will know,
without any doubt,
that one minus one
equals nought.
The stealing of
the Golden Fleece
celebrated with
a premature feast
in the near vicinity
of the daring theft
adds up only to trouble.
Sail away first
before slaking your thirst,
sail far from the
hostile nation.
But enraptured by wine
and more potent brews
Jason plus crew
(that fiery few)
are captured and thrown
into jail.
While serving time,
forget the blue sea,
remember instead
all that you learned
about subtraction
and count down the years,
one minus one
equals nought, a free
Argonaut…
and that is the sum
of this tale.
7
Atlas, holding up the sky,
looks and sees
aeroplanes flying by
around his head
and through his legs,
the passengers
respectful to his
massive thighs
but oblivious
of his giant sighs.
8
Pan in the kitchen
clattering pots
and chopping boards.
What’s the god
of nature doing
indoors? He’s frying
so hard to be
a domesticated chap,
that’s what!
A non-stick goatish
do gooder with
a skillet skill set.
9
Prometheus on
the promenade
walking in
the shade of trees
no longer gives
away anything
to humanity
for free, not even
lemonade: those
days are over.
Now he hopes
to make money
and only offers
his fire for hire.
10
Socrates was such a tease
in the market square.
He doubted this
and questioned that
until some people
had had enough.
They felt he mocked
their authority
and in a cup
of hemlock they turned
a key, the skeleton
key of his mortality.
11
While the rock
goes up his socks
fall down. Poor
Sisyphus!
When the rock
rolls down his socks
are quite forgot.
Mighty but mild
Sisyphus!
As the moon goes up
his efforts are
with moonlight
flooded thus. Don’t
make a fuss, old
Sisyphus!
12
A cyclops is like
a bicycle headlamp
coming the other
way. We meet them
on country roads
at night when we
are cycling far away.
“How do you do?”
we always ask
as we zoom past
very fast, but they
never deign to reply.
They just hiss
and wink darkness
back to life and
softened by gloom
or the glow of
the moon they
become rather more
beautiful. Now
there’s a cyclops for
sore eyes!
13
Icarus upstairs
on the omnibus.
His wings
were things
that fell apart.
Some people fly
for business,
others for sport:
But since his
accident Icarus finds
that he prefers
public transport.
Rhys Hughes has lived in many countries. He graduated as an engineer but currently works as a tutor of mathematics. Since his first book was published in 1995 he has had fifty other books published and his work has been translated into ten languages.
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