Did Lafcadio Hearn
ever write about a worm
that went to
university in Tokyo?
I don’t think so.
Did he write about a fright
that coughed all night
in the loft of
a barn in Uzbekistan?
No, he didn’t.
Did he ever tell a tale
about a purple whale
who drank tea
with Yukio Mishima?
Of course not.
Did he dance
in France with a pig
named Nancy
in a fancy club in Nantes
while wearing a wig?
Even if he did,
I care not a fig.
Did he fancy Albert Camus
and take him
to a fair where he gambled
his underpants
for the chance to win a pear?
How should I know!
Did he surf with a flea
or row with a gnat
on tempestuous seas
while thunders boomed
and blunders
loomed in a volatile sky
that resembled a curtain?
Impossible
to be absolutely certain.
Did he acutely applaud
a cute fruit bat
that loved to sing songs
and bash gongs with twigs
in twilight hours
while the sleepy flowers
shut their petals
like silky eyelids? Beats me!
So what did he do?
What about him isn’t untrue
but genuinely odd?
Did he cavort with a frog or
plot with a toad
to overthrow the lords
of chaos and dismay?
Did he rummage his way
through the remains
of the day,
barking like a dog
balanced on a log
that is floating down a river?
I suspect not.
That’s the most curious thing
to learn about
Lafcadio Hearn: no one ever
finds anything
definite to say
about his strange experiences.
I don’t even know
if he ever kissed a ghost
on the lips
or played billiards
with a host who turned out
to be a vampire
or ate toast burned to a crisp
by dragon breath
and thereby ruined the health
of his breakfast.
Confirmation is hard to find.
Sometimes I think
that all these events are just
in my mind.
Rhys Hughes has lived in many countries. He graduated as an engineer but currently works as a tutor of mathematics. Since his first book was published in 1995 he has had fifty other books published and his work has been translated into ten languages.
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