SAILING AWAY
I sailed across the seas
balanced on my knees,
each kneecap in a little
toy boat and for sails the
flaps of my big raincoat,
open to catch the breeze.
TURNING THE DIAL
Nash your teeth in envy, Ogden,
when you read this rhyme
for I have turned the dial higher
on the daftness amplifier
and now it’s on eleven,
which is two more than nine.
WHAT WE CALL
I sometimes wonder
what we call a sea
in which a brave dog
swims desperately
through tempestuous
and perilous waves?
Rough! Rough!
CALLING MY BLUFF
Someone called my bluff
earlier today while I was
sunning myself in the park.
“Here boy! Good bluff!
Who’s a good bluff then?”
And it actually came running!
I have seen some weird
stuff in my time but never
a bluff that runs. That was
tough on my sense of fun.
CROOKED SMILE
Someone just told me
that I have an old crooked smile
and I must confess it’s true.
My smile embezzled
100 doubloons from
the East India Company in 1642
CHARGING MY PHONE
I am
charging
my phone.
The field is
a large one
but I think I’ll be able to
gore it before it reaches
the gate.
THE WINDS IN SEASON
Spring Summer Autumn Winter
do your worst, blow your best.
There’s a splinter in the sprinter.
North, South, East, and West.
Winter Spring Summer Autumn
put your boots on and come forth.
Silver talons finally caught them.
East, West, South, and North.
Autumn Winter Spring Summer
scrub the dishes for the feast.
Fools in clover are made dumber.
South, North, West, and East.
Summer Autumn Winter Spring
Arch an eyebrow, gape a mouth.
Hark the harps unattended sing.
East, West, North, and South.
SCIENTIFIC POETRY
Newton with a suit on
Einstein eating limes
Archimedes in a tree
and that’s just three
who rhyme.
Von Neumann in a bath
Faraday on a trampoline
Gödel playing castanets
and that’s just three
who don’t.
MY BROTHER
My brother
is captain
of a soccer team
and he wants me to play
in goal. And he says
that if I refuse
they will lose the game
and he’ll weep
and do some other
melodramatic things.
But why should I
oblige him?
Am I my brother’s
keeper?
AS A SPOON
I went
to a fancy
dress party
yesterday.
Most of
the evening
remains
a blur.
But I know
that I was
the only man
in the room
dressed as
a spoon.
Caused quite a stir.
THE BAD BANDIT
The bad bandit
has been banned
from banditry
because his moustaches
when twirled
got out of hand
on his face.
So he joined a band
in which he plays
a rubber band mandolin
and now it’s only girls
who twirl on the
dance floor during
the encore.
Not his whiskers anymore.
Rhys Hughes has lived in many countries. He graduated as an engineer but currently works as a tutor of mathematics. Since his first book was published in 1995 he has had fifty other books published and his work has been translated into ten languages.
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