We’re bound for the ocean
and a largesse of sky,
we’re not looking for the truth
or living a lie.
We’re coming apart,
we’re going downhill,
the fury’s almost done,
we’ve had our fill.
We’re passionate, ironic
angelic, demonic,
clairvoyant, rational
wildly Indian, anti-national.
We’re not trying to make our peace
not itching for a fight,
we don’t need your shade
and we don’t need your light.
We know charisma isn’t contagious
and most rules are egregious.
We’re catabolic women.
We’ve known the refuge of human arms,
the comfort of bathroom floors,
we’ve stormed out of rooms,
thrown open the doors.
We’ve figured the tricks to turn rage
into celebration,
we know why the oldest god dances
at every cremation.
We’ve kissed in the rose garden,
been the belles of the ball,
hidden under bedcovers
and we’ve stood tall.
We’re not interested in camouflage
or self-revelation,
not looking for a bargain
or an invitation.
We’re capable of stillness
even as we gallivant,
capable of wisdom
even as we rant.
Look into our eyes,
you’ll see we’re almost through.
We can be kind but we’re not really
thinking of you.
We don’t remember names
and we don’t do Sudoku.
We’re losing EQ and IQ,
forgetting to say please and thank you.
We’re catabolic women
We’ve never ticked the right boxes,
never filled out the form,
our dharma is tepid,
our politics lukewarm.
We’ve had enough of earnestness
and indignation
but still keep the faith
in conversation.
We’re wily Easterners enough
to argue nirvana and bhakti,
talk yin and yang,
Shiva and Shakti.
When we’re denied a visa
we fall back on astral travel
and when samsara gets intense
we simply unravel.
We’re unbuilding now,
unperpetuating,
unfortifying,
disintegrating.
We’re caterwauling,
catastrophic,
shambolic,
cataclysmic,
catabolic women.
First Published in Love Without a Story, 2019.
Arundhathi Subramaniam is a poet who has recently won the Sahitya Akademi Award, 2020, for her book When God is the traveller (2014). She has authored a number of books and won multiple awards and fellowships. She has been part of a number of numerous anthologies and journals.
