Corner

By Anita Sudhakaran

BOOM! Another big BOOM! And here, my scared Kittu runs to find a peaceful and tranquil corner in our usually quiet home. The cracker ban was only on paper; Kittu will attest to that vehemently. While she was frantically searching for a corner, I was lost in her movements. Sitting and staring at her took me away from her, and I found myself sculpted as le penseur and was thrown into a deep ocean of thoughts, where just one question popped out loud, clear, and flashing; Am I too looking for a corner? A Peaceful, tranquil, no fetters, no concept of pain and gain corner?

Usually on breaks, I visit my home, pushing aside the flash and pomp of Delhi, and I step into another world. Adulting has been a breath of fresh air and yet bizarre to me, realising and answering many unanswered questions hovering in my head. Nonetheless, there are few which will I think remain unanswered forever and some will not have very satisfactory answers. Sometimes, I don’t fully know the question and the answers I look for, and I remain in a perpetual state of being hopelessly muddled. 

To my mind, one thing I came to terms with beautifully, is the concept of uncertainty; impermanence is permanence. Often when I switch something, change places or things, or when people come and go in my life, I am learning to enjoy the changing process and that’s exactly what life is. Change. Even when I am sad about the process, I see the silver lining and cheer up to the fact, that I will be one day equally comfortable and content with what will come to me in my here and now. 

We have often heard the phrase ‘this too shall pass’, but how many of us have thought through it and made it a tool to cope with the future? I have realised, that we humans are extremely convenience-oriented beings. Convenience is everything to us. Just like using this phrase at a time of grief and despair and not when we are brimming with positivity, success, and abundance. 

The ability to be calm amidst the storm, to be present in each moment and not pile up thoughts; good or bad, is the one I need to learn because there is no way I will find my corner where I will be free of societal shackles, rewriting norms and notions. Living in the present doesn’t invoke the action of inactivity. Rather, it promotes being actively present with graceful focus on what is there right now and shuns the act of what I call ‘conveniently everywhere’. Finally, Kittu found her corner, just at the centre of the main entrance hall where the BOOM is loud and clear. She fell into deep sleep as I woke up from the dream.

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Anita Sudhakaran comes from two states, Kerala and Rajasthan and currently residing in Delhi. She is an avid reader and a lost thinker. 

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